The words “…he turned on some lights in previously unlit rooms. The conversation Boomer and I had was great. He’s a sage. You really should talk with him.” is what he responded with after publicly being asked in front of the entire class “what was your favorite part of the past three days?” Our previous conversation was no longer seemingly helpful, it was helpful for both of us but in different ways.
I need to heave my trust into the universe. The things I share are helpful to those around me, I just don’t believe it until I hear it back. Finding trust in the universe and the magic in it all is what I struggle with.
When you’re asked to write ads, read them to the class, and have one of the world’s best living ad writers critique you, most seize up. I did… then I relaxed and just wrote. When reading my ads to the class – while trying to be incognito about being a Wizard of Ads partner to remove pressure on myself – Chris says “well you’re clearly an ad writer. Read the second one again so we can hear the details and then go sit down. I have nothing to say.” I wanted to smack Chris from bringing light to my background but it was also a great compliment he shared.
Being in the course reminded me how much I know. It’s a double-edged knife when I realized I know everything presented – and could teach it – and there was little material to learn. It reminds me of the power I’ve held while simultaneously reminding me how I’ve held it back all these years.
Today is my day to dig in. Get my hands dirty. And just do. Today is writing exercise day.
However, I did have an opportunity to flex yesterday.
A new partner, who’s also in the class, has a potential client sitting in his lap. Danial, the instructor, suggested the partner and I speak. Over the next hour, I was able to provide council that was seemingly helpful. Throughout the entire hour, I repeated to myself “I am a Magical Wizard.” I’d repeat the phrase each time I was unsure of myself. Every time a sense of calm with a hint of sage came over me. It helped the conversation along.
A magical thing happens when you look back at somthing and see it for what it was. Not from rose colored glasses but with a clear pane window.
The past 2-years have been really fucked up.
And that’s okay.
Tonight, during a conversation with my wife, she said somthing that forced emotions to crawl from the attic in my head. I couldn’t figure out what it was until it quietly rolled out “it’s been a fucked up year.” After hearing that, she reminded me what has happening before her cancer diagnosis… so, yes, it’s been two years.
Being able to look back at something and being honest about it and starting to shed the emotions wrapped in it is a magical and powerful thing.
Here’s to continued shedding.